Day Tweleve of the Great Release Challenge


Photo compliments of my husband

Day Twelve of the Great Release Challenge!
30 Days to an Awesome New You!

by Silver RavenWolf

Please Note:  We apologize for today’s delay.  The weather knocked our router out.

Your Mission Today:  Clean out the kitchen cabinets — old food cans passed expiration — toss.  That errant can of the stuff you never eat?  Give it away if it is still good, and if there are no takers, toss it.  Cookware.  Yes, I know, it is super expensive.  I just picked up a new fry pan — argh!  The prices on cookware…oh please…most of it only lasts a year or two if you do a lot of cooking.  I shuddered as I paid.  You may also be like me and have a few duplicates.  For example, I have three crock pots.  Yeah.  The big one is for when I’m cooking for everyone.  The medium-sized one was for the immediate family with the idea of leftovers, and the small one was for that tiny window of time when it was just my husband and I for dinner.  Okay, so that one got used…three times?  I took these out last summer, washed them thoroughly, and then wrapped them in plastic to keep that kitchen grime from settling back on them.  Because they are in such good shape, I can give two of these away.  It appears I am relegated, for now, to sticking with the big one.  However, some of that is by choice.  I enjoy having my children and their spouses over for dinner.  It makes me feel useful, and I encourage them to share a meal and some of their busy time.

Half-empty, stale cereal boxes, the condiments you bought for one recipe and now languish, unnoticed and unattended…the half used bag of rice that’s been sitting there since 1989.  You know.  That stuff.  Things seem to propagate in the kitchen.  Not sure why.  Where your socks may seek a divorce from each other, items in your kitchen appear to believe in the old adage — the more the merrier.  Three sets of measuring cups, four sets of measuring spoons, fifteen soup bowls (that don’t match).  I have a cross-cultural melting pot right in my own kitchen.  If you are really into it, wash out the cupboards, too!

If you have a large kitchen and your eyes are popping out of your head right now?  Remember the rule:  Do what you can, a little bit at a time.  Just make a small dent if that’s all you can stomach.  Tomorrow is another day, and you will work through it, a bit at a time.

My Magickal Release Diary:  I read the individual’s post on how her family is not helping her and I debated for the last two days on how to respond to it.  I can thoroughly sympathize with her.  I talked to my daughter-in-law about it because I wasn’t sure if I shared a few things with you about how this Release Challenge actually started, that it would be…um…advice appropriate?  I’m not a therapist or a counselor.  I was just a woman who felt overwhelmed, and decided to do something about it.  So, before you hear about what I did, I preface this with — you may not want to do it that way.  Your life is your choice.  And don’t forget it.

How The Program You Are Doing Today — Started

Several years ago I realized that my head was not in a good place.  Empty-nest-syndrome, some of my children in the military and overseas in the thick of the conflict, menopause (yikes), the crappy economy (yes, in my bones I knew this mess was coming) had all taken their chunks out of my hide.  My father was already into his stroll down dementia lane; but, I didn’t realize it at the time.  I thought he was nuts, cranky, mean, grumpy, and hated him for how his behavior was affecting my family.  There were a lot of things I just didn’t realize…then.  Like the fact that I’d been dealing with an OCD personality (his) since the day I was born.  There’s a lot more to it, which I’m sure dovetails with what many of you have experienced.  My youngest child in the years prior, had given me a real run for my money as a parent…yada…flap hand.  I felt all used up.  Dried out.  Desiccated.  Not even the things I adored — writing, art and magick — held much interest.

My biggest wish at the time was escape.  My most common behavior.  Avoid.

Everybody.

Everything.

That’s gets rather lonely after awhile.

One fine morning I realized that this type of behavior really wasn’t working for me.  I looked around this old house and thought, if I am ever going to get out of this place, I’ve got to get rid of stuff.  Too much stuff binds you.  It weighs you down.  It holds dirt and grime.  It is a burden.  It clutters your mind and crushes your soul.  Someday, the opportunity will come for a really nice house, a place where people can come to learn and enjoy the company — a place where spirituality and love will enfold you as soon as you walk in the door — and I won’t be able to take it because I’ve nailed my feet to the floor with all this damned junk.

And so it began.  At first, I concentrated on all my stuff.  I had become a hoarder without even realizing it.  I would go through a box and keep half of it, jam the rest back in the box, and move onto the next.  That first season I carted out over 50 bags of trash.

By myself.

Alone.

Winter turned to spring and I began my first real garden.  Yes, I who killed every living plant I touched for forty-odd years, hiked my carcass out there and dug, pulled, grunted, sweated, and planted.

And you know what?

Darned if that garden didn’t grow!

About six months later I went through all my stuff, again, and threw out another 25 bags more.  By now, you could actually walk through my dining room without tripping over junk.  And let me tell you, it was a fight to keep it that way (which I’ll explain a little further on).  Anyway, a friend of mine chided me when he found out how much stuff I’d thrown away.  “You should have called me,” he said.  “I would have loved to have some of that stuff.”

Who would want my old stuff? I thought; but, I nodded and promised that the next time I went through my things, I would let friends know.  If they wanted the stuff, they could come and get it.  I did just that with the rider that they had to come and get it within a given timeframe.  If they didn’t show up to collect, out it would go.  As the seasons marched by, I carted out more of my stuff — from the attic, from the basement, from the storage room.  I held several give-away nights, and this past fall season I gave away all the herbs I raised in the garden — all of them except one bundle of white sage.

As I carted, threw, and gave away, my inner self changed for the better.  I lost weight (a good thing), I learned to accept help from others (okay, that was a really hard one), I concentrated on my behavior to my family and toward others.  The changes within myself didn’t happen overnight.  My interest in art, magick, and writing returned…slowly…but, it did come back.  I taught myself to knit and crochet and when I was really stressed, I would spend hours upon hours with needle and hook, mindlessly creating and working toward a better me.

During these years I began doing daily, morning cleansing rituals.  The Braucherie Morning Prayer you are practicing is this year’s choice.  In the past, I’ve done others, and changed them as I changed and became more self-empowered.  I began to teach myself to release the negativity within myself and within my environment.  Monthly, around the new or full moon, whichever felt right, I would do a complete house cleansing.  As the seasons rolled one into the other, things got better, I felt more at ease with my new, aging self.  One reader remarked on banishing those piles of junk — yup, I did that one, too.

Good material came out of my experiences.  During that time I wrote MindLight and HedgeWitch –two books that truly concentrate on the power within you, and how to tap into that quantum magnificence that is, and always has been, available to you.  As I taught myself new ways to deal with day-to-day issues, the melding of mind, science and magick became part of my living experience.  Ritual and magick wasn’t something just for High Holy Days or Circle Night, or a lucky bag to pull out when a crises arose — it became a way of living. And as I zapped the day fantastic, so my life, and how I felt about myself, changed in a positive way.

Concentrating on my stuff was all well and good — and an excellent beginning — but, then I ran into two problems.  Everyone else’s junk that hadn’t moved and their behavior and habits destroying what I’d worked so hard to attain.  It wasn’t a matter of respect with me, no…for me it was…you’ve watched me work so hard to clean this up and you made a mess and left it, anyway.  This meant, to me, that my family didn’t love me.  That they didn’t recognize my efforts to make their space a physical and spiritually healthy place to live.  That I carried no real importance in their lives.

This alone almost led me to defeat.

I knew on the surface that this type of thinking was ridiculous.  Of course my children loved me!  But, as day after day slogged by with continued spit on the bathroom mirror, dried iced tea blobs on the dining room floor, and errant junk thrown hither and neigh as soon as they walked in the door…let me tell ya…

getting into the car and driving to a destination unknown and staying there was definitely on the edge of my mind on more than one occasion.  As soon as I would clean something out…someone came along and pigged it up.  Whether it was clearing the dining room, cleaning the bathroom, or emptying the refrigerator, within minutes (and I am not joking) it would be a mess again.

Socks here, tools there, magazines, books, sunglasses, food splashed on the wall, whatever.  I was so frustrated that I just wanted to sit in the center of the room, any room that maybe had a patch of space, and cry.

Except, instead, I got mad.

At first, I nagged a lot.  I yelled.  I admonished.  I tried every psycho-trap I could think of, including bribes (which worked on occasion — still do).  Unfortunately, this disrupted the environment quite a lot, and drove me to the point of pure battle-Goddess-mentality.

That’s right.  I invoked the Morrighan.

I did.

Really.

And, what truly did it (and, mind you, I simply cannot recommend it) was the following Morrighan-esque threat:  “If you don’t pick that up, it is going in the trash.”  Except, it wasn’t a threat.  And not only did it go in the trash, it went totally off the property that day.

Oh yes it did!

I would ask them to pick something up.  If it wasn’t gone in two hours, out the door it went.  And, no, I didn’t replace it, either.

What I found amazing is that in most cases they didn’t miss their shit.  Months would go by, and then someone would say, “I can’t find…whatever.”  I would shrug employ  my famous cocked eyebrow, and say firmly:  “I cleaned!” with a strong edge of finality in my voice.  And then, if I got an argument, I would say:  “Don’t whine.  It was your choice.  If you are angry, be angry at yourself.”

And if I got a super argument, I would say:  “I’m not and never will be your maid.  Get over it.  You have two hands and a brain, use them!”

um, like I said?  I’m not a therapist and I don’t recommend my own behavior.

Anyway, if the item was very valuable, I would put it away where they couldn’t find it, which meant they had to ask me for it, which earned them a lecture on leaving their junk lying around, with my added, “You’re lucky I didn’t throw it out,” because they knew darned well if I was really mad enough, it really would have been gone.  They were lucky!

Like Pavlov’s dog — it took about two months to really sink in.  Then, I heard this (and have heard it ever since):  I can’t find my hat (or whatever).  You didn’t throw it out, did you?

He-he-he-he.

This doesn’t mean that my house became pristine.  Every spring various members of the family still drag crap out onto my porch, and every spring I spend a few days and about fifty bucks on trash bags to get rid of it.  On occasion I’ve really had to dig my heels in with my children who have left the house; but, didn’t take their junk with them…OR…tried to bring it back.  No, no-no-no-no-no-no-no-no-no!  No rest for the weary.

For the piggy who slobbed up the floors, the mirror and such — I stood there, handed them the cleaner and paper towels, and declared it would be done, and it would be done now.  And, if it wasn’t done, I would clean it up and dump it on their bed, where they could darned well sleep in it.

And they did.

Sleep in it.

One night of that was all it took.

I’m sure there was a better way to do it — one that was more politically correct, or psychologically sound — but, after years of wading through junk, it was either it went — or I did.  Unlike Custer’s last stand — I won.  Okay, so, realistically, I’m somewhat ahead.  We still have mini battles; but, they take on more amusing twists rather than downright war.  The house isn’t perfect.  It never will be.  I can’t keep the dining room floor clean of dirt to save my soul, even though I sweep and wash it almost every day.  It is the most used room of the house, and it is going to get dirty, and that’s all there is to it.  My husband and I are still doing the push-me/pull-me thing with the living room (that’s his area).  Eventually, step-by-baby-step, it will be renovated, even if I have to rip out one bloody wall at a time.  Which, actually, I’ve just done.

Throughout my entire saga of learning to release, I taught myself to maintain what I’d already done.  For example, the bathroom?  I now keep a large container of Clorox Wipes in there, and, at least once a day when I’m in there for whatever, I wipe down the bathroom.  Takes five minutes tops, usually only one or two.  When it comes time to really clean it, it isn’t so bad.  I’ve made it such a habit that my husband does it, too.  Every single day I take the trash in the bathroom out of the house.  Now, it is a matter of common routine and not viewed as a chore.  Same thing in the kitchen, although this is a little harder.  I do my best, before I go to bed, to make sure the sink is empty, the counters are washed down, and the trash is out.  This is a mini-battle area because the world doesn’t turn in for the night when I do.  Ergo, I may get up in the morning and find crap everywhere.  Like I said — it ain’t perfect.  Too, there are nights I’m just so exhausted I leave it; however, I make sure to finish it in the morning.

This also doesn’t mean we don’t make fun messes.  When my granddaughter comes over the house turns inside out.  We play, we do art, we drag dirt in from the garden.  I’m not all over her about making messes.  Heck, we roll potatoes across the floor into tin cans and play drums with the pots and pans.  We do our thing, and then we clean up.  Sometimes the clean up part doesn’t come until Mommy comes to pick us up, and then Mommy helps to pick up.  Wonderfully, after she is gone, Grandpa (my husband) always helps to put things back in order.

At this point, here today, I’m not done.  I still have half the attic and the basement to complete.  There’s also my oldest son’s room, that I didn’t touch for many years (he’s happily married now living in their own place).  I avoided that room for two reasons — it was painful to know he was gone for good (he was the third child to leave, and so it seemed to hit harder) and because he was overseas, I wanted him to know that his space at home was always there for him.  An anchor, if you will.  I wanted home to mean to him that he was still very much loved and very much missed.  And so, the room sat empty for a very long, long time.  When he married and returned to the states, I began to slowly clear that room.  It isn’t done.  But, almost.

Your junk and your emotions are very much tied together, aren’t they?

My personal Release Challenge had an added benefit, though it took me awhile to adjust to it — my shopping habits changed.  The plummeting economy had much to do with this, too, so I can’t claim it all happened because of my release work; however, the release work helped me to adjust to the lousy economy a little easier than I would have.  I found myself purchasing only those items that I thought would last, or had a definite purpose, or would in some way help to facilitate my goals.  Yes, I still did the occasional splurge; but, just buying to stuff that I didn’t need to make myself feel better stopped.

Of course there’s more to my release story (there always is) but, I’ve bored you enough and we have to get moving on your challenge!  Suffice it to say that my release activities were so successful for me, that I decided to share a mini-challenge program with readers last year.  I chose the holiday season because it is normally such a stressful time, and if you are tripping over junk and wading through grime, it just seems all that much worse.  Too, focusing on releasing, clearing, and cleaning keeps that monkey mind from expanding small issues in your life to ones that might otherwise drown you during the holiday season.  By releasing junk and setting goals, even for a short time (like 30 days) we can embrace the benefits that the new year has to bring.  There’s only so much space in your life — how you fill that space is truly your choice.  The more space you have — the more cool stuff you can fill it with!

I realize that as we slide into the midpoint of your Release Challenge that you may be hitting some emotional roadblocks.  That’s okay.  It is expected.  You will get through them.  How do I know that?

Because I did.

And, you will, too.

In service…Silver.

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23 thoughts on “Day Tweleve of the Great Release Challenge”

  1. wow silver u really answered my questions,in this post. I feel better now. *i was begining to think no one in the house loved me,and i always tell everyone im not the maid * and the garden thing u talked about, i hade a dream last night about tending and weeding mine. i truly believe that are minds are connected, . And sigh i knew the kitchen was coming, back to work! You are awsome silver,blessed be!!!!

  2. I’m kind of going through an “all of the above” period right now. Mine has an unusual twist though, I moved back in with my parents. I understand that they both work very hard (they’re prison guards at Kentucky’s maximum security prison) but it seems that I’m the only one who does anything to keep the house in a somewhat presentable order. I did agree to pay them rent and I don’t mind helping out, but it seems like I’m everyone’s personal housekeeper. Hearing that you went through the same problem and came out relatively unscathed gives me hope. Sometimes we need to put our foot down. How can I do that if it’s technically not my home? My mom always tells me that this is my home, but in my heart it’s not, it’s theirs. Any advice?

    1. Oh boy. My Black Forest Family who read this blog are right now saying: So! How is she going to answer this one? Because, you see, that’s the battle I didn’t talk about on Day Twelve. The big one. I didn’t discuss it out of respect for my father, which is the same problem you are having. It is one thing to deal with your children, it is quite another poppet to deal as an adult, with an adult parent(s), and still keep some semblance of sanity.

      I can tell you, first off, that you are not alone. That the economy in this country is so bad (I don’t care what they are telling you in the news) that family after family has been joining ranks together, for whatever reason, to get through. There isn’t a family I’ve talked to that hasn’t been affected. Whether it is the young folks whose salary can’t support even the combination of utilities and rent, or the senior citizens who have found that their health care coverage (that was supposed to be the best) can’t support their needs (and this is a bigger monster than you ever thought possible) — or because a family member has lost their job and for the life of them can’t find anything — so many of us are paddling the same type of rickety row boat it isn’t funny. And although joining family forces sounds like a happy Walton story, poignant, loving, family-togetherness-pie-in-the-sky ideal — its probably the worst decision most of us ever made from a psychological standpoint. Yeah, we’re eating and staying warm — and that’s about it. Argh. Don’t get me started.

      The problem, here, aside from the fact of personal space wherein you feel like an intruder, is healthy communication with people who are well entrenched in their own lifestyle. The politically correct and duck-the-swinging-bat answer here, is to seek the assistance of family counseling. Seeing as how that answer is not the one you were looking for on this blog (hey, I had to say it) is realize within yourself that you have choices to make, and that avoiding making those decisions is probably, most likely, going to cost you emotionally. Likewise, drawing the proverbial line in the sand, is also not a particularly pleasant possibility. In the beginning, we do things to be helpful, and then, because it becomes habit, it is seen to be our responsibility. We lock ourselves into it with the best of intentions, and now…we are paying.

      Remember I told you that Mercury Retrograde leads us directly to self-examination, and a review of our interactions with others? Well, I sort of told you that — I guess, not specifically. Mercury Retrograde is a time to Review and re-analyze all sorts of stuff. This is your kettle of stew and the time to reevaluate the recipe is now. Think. Plan. Consider. The time for direct action (unless you are forced to do so — and again, that is your choice) is when Mercury stages direct and moves out of its storm, which isn’t until after January 4th, 2011.

      Okay, so what can you do in the meantime? Keep up the morning Braucherie invocations/prayers. They don’t take but a few minutes. Work on how you react to things, your plans for the future, your overall behavior and appearance, releasing negativity and clutter that is within your power to do so. For the time being, focus on yourself and not on their behavior. Get yourself in order. Get your brain in gear. Choose what you will and will not do. My other advice, take it or leave it, is get the heck out of the house as much as possible. You are right. It doesn’t belong to you and this alone, no matter what your mother tells you, will eat at you until you come to terms with it, one way or another. Find a hobby, join a gym, whatever. Get your focus off their clutter. Too, it could be that your parents are so grateful for your assistance, that they simply do not realize the emotional hailstorm going on in your head. They might think that you are helping out to ease their burden after all these years and think that the guardian-angel-maid is the reward they are getting here on earth, while you are looking at it like you’ve just walked through the doorway of torture and hell. Hey! You never know! As a Pagan, petitioning the Goddess of the Hearthstone (saw your handle there), is a sure way to find assistance. Keep a candle (if you can) burning in Her honor. Talk to her. I’m not kidding. Aloud. Yes. Really. I talk to Marie all the time. (Yeah, I know…don’t go there.) This archetypal energy can prove to be valuable assistance to you. I know it was (and still is) to me.

      In the end — communication and right action will be the key; but, you need to be at the top of your game when you make this move. You need to feel good about yourself, to have removed any past hurts or doubts, and be ready to think clearly and speak honestly. Do what you need to do to get there, and then proceed with honest self-confidence. You may find that it will be easier than you thought, simply because the inner you has changed.

      You didn’t say whether this is a short-term stay for you, or a long-term one. That alone will affect your future decisions. Long-term will mean that one way or another, you will eventually have to communicate with them about your feelings. Short term? You may be able to skinny through with a minor change here or there. Remember, however, the bottom line is that it is your choice. If you work toward a better you, the rest will fall into place. Honest.

      This mess, then, that we’re all dealing with has jiggled down into how to you keep your sense of dignity, and still keep your spirituality?

      1. Silver, I just wanted to say thank you for your words of wisdom, it put a smile on my face knowing that you know exactly where I’m coming from and it made everything seem a little easier. I know that you’re a very busy woman, and, like I said, I just wanted to let you know that it meant alot.

  3. It takes great courage to share as deeply personal a story as you have shared with us today. Thank you. It gives me hope for my own battles. Blessings to you dear one!

  4. Thank you for sharing your story Silver, it rings very true with me as well. Ive been in the kitchen for hours and have hurt my shoulder again due to having no help. Ive done as much as i can. I wish i could do more, and i wish i could throw out SO much more but its not my things. Its just sad because its been sitting there for years and years never getting used, wasting space… I threw out 3 garbage bags of what i was allowed and just put everything back that doesn’t get used lol. The pantry eeep… i don’t want to think about that one for awhile i cant even get near it… Im happy that things are a bit more organized now and easier to find.

    Wishing you all a wonderful day.
    Sypress

    1. You might find that as you pitch, throw, and move that those items that don’t belong to you may begin to diminish as well. You might try: Since we haven’t used this in x-number-of-years, perhaps we could put it in a storage area — that way, it will be protected and kept clean. Just a thought.
      Silver

  5. Hi
    I am finding to things, one that I am simply moving things about, oh yes ever day I do get rid of things, but I also seem to move things out of the cleaning area into another area just to be moved again when I clean that area! I have a small living space and often feel that I just don’t have the room for the things I own. Second I am having the same feelings on cleaning, there are constantly clothes on the floor, dirty items piled on our clean clothes shoes crammed in our doorway and boxes on our floor. To be honest I know I have too much stuff for the tiny cottage we live in, but when people see how much stuff we have they say they could never live in such a little space or with so little. I don’t want to throw out my dish set but it barely fits in our cupboards. I don’t necessarily feel that it is right to through out my partners things (though I am tempted) but I am also loathed to pick up after him, I could clean this place four times a day and still have it be a disaster! Do you have any advise? I love the things I have chosen to keep and it has taken me a long time to whittle down to this, but it still does not seem to fit. Do you have any advise for someone in a tiny space who still wants to have their own things?
    On a positive note the morning ritual has been wonderfully relaxing and I am finding that I do have stuff I don’t want/need and am happy to be ridding myself of it!
    Blessings

    1. Over the years I noticed that the de-clutter idea is a process that ebbs and flows. Most of us start out at the bottom of a very big pile, and we unearth ourselves in stages. As our minds grow and our spirituality develops, the pile lessens because our thoughts on what is important to us changes. I, too, have gone through the no space for stuff scenario many times over, and I had to deal with my husband differently than my children. He isn’t so much of a hoarder as a leaver. He just drops his stuff, and there it stays. Tools, particularly. It came to a point where I started putting his stuff in plastic tubs. This alarmed him greatly until I could prove to him that what he was looking for was actually in a place where it could be found. Unfortunately, we had a very unusual problem here. Remember I mentioned my father was OCD/Hoarder/Now has Dementia? Well! Every time my father saw a tool, he staunchly declared it was his, and promptly grabbed it and scurried away. The tool, whether it was an expensive saw or a two dollar screw driver would disappear. We later discovered he was hiding them. Many went to the shed, some to the attic; but, the real kicker? He was putting them under his bed and in the back of his closet, or in boxes under his kitchen sink…and the worst, I think, wasn’t that he was taking them; but that he always claimed someone was stealing his tools. Loudly. With gusto. With anger. Like I said…I didn’t really talk about the BIG battle. lol

      As to my point… Don’t stress over all the stuff. It will actually work out and begin to spin smoother as you go along. When you shop, keep an eye out for space saving ideas, or shop according to your space for the time being. I often found space saving ideas at flea markets, and such. And, don’t think so traditionally. Your home is your place, you can be as creative with the space as you desire. Just because no one puts their DVD collection in their hutch, doesn’t mean that you can’t. I did. I found tier system kitchen shelving for my crafty things, etc. And, over time, you will continue to week out what, six months ago you couldn’t part with. If you weren’t quite ready, then you’re not — however; as you realize you are not ready to get rid of certain things you promise yourself that you will revisit that item again — one more time in this cycle. Many times, by the end of the 30 days, you will realize that you do desire to reduce the pile a bit more. If the item escapes this round, perhaps you will find a space saving spot for it, or in the spring, you may find something better to replace it.

      Don’t stress. One pile at a time. You can do it!

      As to the ritual, I’m delighted that it is working for you!!! You are AWESOME!

  6. Very moving story, loved it… remember it. XO I get a pass on this one, because I did a major clean on the kitchen cabinets in June, and again in October. Pristine. Truly. 😉

    I will buy new pans as a Yule gift for myself… the old ones will go in my camping box for outdoor cooking adventures.

    Back tracking on a few days prior to this, to catch up.

  7. totally silver, id love to garden with you. I have a green hand*lol*. I also make flower esseences, that would be really cool to add to your hedgewitch garden. Name a time and a place and a season and ill totally be there,..i know they love me i just wonder some times*lol*! You are totally awsome….

  8. Dearest Silver,
    Again, I find the Goddess has used you in my life. Blessing’s to you. I moved back to my current home five years ago. I moved from a 3400 sq.ft. to just under 18. My things are the story of my life. I have always thought I would will them to my childen and grandchildren. When we moved back, I became walled in boxes (250) and tons of furnature. I broke, and knew it was from not being able to move these boxes. I also have the adult children thing you discribed, a husband who is a pack rat who thought he did not have to clean up after himself. When you began this ritual it was day 8 for me. Even though It will take more the one day to do any of the above things, You have begain to clear the fog around my mind. I did a ritual on Nov. 17 & 18 asking Hecata to help me as I was at a crossroads in my life concerning this very subject. I did not know how to get unstuck. But, you have discribed my life and walk. I am seeing the path and those monsters that have been built all around me. From one to another, I bless you.

    1. Welcome, Susan! We’re all in this together. My only advice is don’t bite off more than you can chew (because I did that). Little steps will lead to bigger ones. If you are tired, or frustrated, or feel disenchanted, just flow. Tomorrow is always another day. Do the best you can each day, and that’s all anyone can do. We love you!

  9. Today was one of those days where I realized why my house and life are as cluttered as they are… I completely procrastinated on this challenge today. I cleaned out the pantry but then looked at all the dirty dishes and crud on the counters and thought, ‘nah, I’ll do that some other day’. Then it dawned on me.. If I’m going to half-ass this, what does that say about how dedicated I am to changing my circumstances? So, I forced myself to scrub the kitchen down and now I’m left with a pretty kitchen and a little more confidence. 🙂
    Thanks for sharing your story with us, it certainly made me do some thinking on my own situation.

  10. Silver,
    Thank you so much for sharing this. I know it must be difficult to decide what and how much to share but you words will help so many as do your books.
    This hit particularly close to home today, parts of it I feel I could have written myself, probably not as eloquently as you though.
    Yesterday we concentrated of converting my office/studio into a bedroom for my niece who will be arriving before month’s end. We shopped for paint, and surprisingly ended up buying too much. Its odd, we used two can of paint the last time and had to stretch it to the very last drop to cover the walls, this time we had more that enough with one can… the second lies there unopened. However we new that the paint store had messed up the mix of the pumpkin paint because when we went back for the second can they couldn’t recreate it, not even close. That led to two walls with a different shade of pumpkin on them. That pumpkin paint was a disaster in more ways than one…
    We also purchased all the new bedroom furniture and lugged it up four flights of stairs, man was it heavy. Only to discover it doesn’t fit and will have to be returned to the store tomorrow. And as I stood there in the doorway looking at the now empty, freshly painted with sage green bedroom, and glanced at my bedroom which had every square in of the floor covered as well as mountains on the bed of books, boxes, graphic design stuff, computer components and cables, craft stuff and the like… it got the best of me. I wanted to sit there among the cans of paint and over-sized furniture and cry.
    Of the course the rest of the house is a mess because instead of doing house cleaning, I spent my weekend trying to ready the room for my niece… and made very little advancement.
    All this to say thank you, thank you for sharing your story. Thank you for letting us know that we aren’t alone, that others are going through the same, or have gone through the same thing. The feelings of having no respect or that our families don’t love us, the feelings of defeat as they muddle up the environments we work so hard to cleanse, not just physically. Thank you for all of it. Thank you for being you.
    BB,
    David James

    1. David! You are so awesome!!!! And how wonderful of you to provide a place for your niece. That you have opened your heart and your home is a wonderful, courageous thing. If no one else tells you, I will, that this responsibility choice was truly humanitarian in more ways than one. We all love you! I bet that room of hers is going to be gorgeous! Now, you get to re-do yours. lol

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